Monday, April 1, 2013

i WILL enjoy this

Right now I'm sitting in my front room, with the windows open because it's raining, wearing a sweatshirt and and blanket because the windows are open and it's cold but hey, it's raining and smells good and that way I can hear the car that passes every once and awhile.

Last year when I needed ambient noise for studying I used to search "rain with cars" on youtube.  People make videos of this for real.  Three hours of just rain and a highway.  But right now, I'm experiencing it first hand.

I want to remember this moment.  It could really suck, because I've been up for an hour already and I'm tired, but I'm up because there's tests to be studied for, papers to be written, and because of the procrastinator I am, very little time to accomplish it all.  But it doesn't suck.

Because this is not forever.  Someday (soon) I'll be studying scriptures in the morning, doing companionship study, or maybe prepping lessons.  I'll come back to school yes, but it'll be a different place, with different roommates.  Carla won't be down the hall in the kitchen also studying.  And then there will be a man roommate (not in the way of cohabitation mom, don't worry) and eventually little teensy (loud and smelly) roommates and then bigger roommates (still loud and smelly) until it's empty again.  Maybe I'll still sit in the front room early in the morning then and listen to rain but I'll probably be in an adult diaper or something by that point.

This is a sweet moment.  Right here.  Right now.  My computer has been acting up and it freezes for ten seconds every time I stop typing or moving the mouse.  So even when I need to pause and think or edit, I'm hitting spacebar and delete.  Spacebar and delete.  It's annoying usually, but right now it seems only a vague and endearing quirk.  And as a result this is a word vomit (as my dear friend grace so charmingly puts it) blog post.

You see, the thing is, I like studying.  I like the mornings, even the painfully early ones.  I even like being kind of tired, in the way that I know it's because I have things to accomplish, in the way that it pulls me from homeostasis.  I like being just a little bit cold, on the parts where the blankets doesn't cover.  I'm warm almost perfectly, with just a hint of a reminder of that I could be cold, but I'm bundled up and I'm not.  I like the rain and since I'm up, I like sound of the birds.

It's everything cliche right now, essentially I've written a hallmark card, or a commercial for a brand of coffee.  But it's true.  Everything sentimental has been wrapped up into this one weird moment and I feel nostalgic and wise and life stretches out ahead of me and I remember that I won't remember this, but I want to.  This is what makes up life.

Sometimes things are special because they don't last.  This is that.  So I will enjoy it.

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