An Open Letter to the Guy from Accounting Lab

Dear Sir.

This is not a post about how attractive* you are.  (You are.  But probably so is your wife.)  This is also not a post about how great your style is.  (It's great.  But probably so is your wife's.)  What this is, is a chance for me to say thank you.  And to explain to you the depth of my gratitude, something I couldn't have adequately expressed at the moment.  Because if I'd tried to, I might have actually started to cry right there in the lab which would've been real awkward for everyone and not at all helpful in articulating how I felt.

You see, I walked into the lab that morning feeling like I was completely and utterly drowning, trying to keep track of T-Accounts, debiting, crediting, bad debt, and I didn't understand any of it.  I couldn't even memorize things because just looking at the words, so foreign and unintelligible, overwhelmed me and then they blurred and disappeared.

And then you took the time to write down the formulas on the board and explain them clearly (even though you'd just finished doing the same thing for some others) and finally I understood.  It clicked.  The problems made perfect sense and I could work them all out.  You went back to studying in your corner and I went back to studying in mine and that was that.  I said thank you, but really how can you sincerely thank someone from the bottom of your heart in such a casual setting like that?  Unless you noticed the desperation leaving my eyes, there just wasn't a way.

So thank you.  Thank you thank you thank you.



*Sorry Dalt.  You're way cuter of course.

All Things Pumpkin

You know what I love?  Pumpkin.  Everything pumpkin.  I started craving it at about 12:01 am October 1st and still haven't recovered.  I even planned an entire day around the purchase of a pumpkin cheesecake shake.  Which was well worth the time because it was quite possibly the most perfect shake I’ve ever had.  I’m serious.  I’m thinking back right now, reminiscing of my favorite moments of the semester and that’s the first thing that comes to mind.  And NOT because that was also trip that everyone took a bite a hamburger from the garbage can – although that moment holds a close second.  When I’m ninety years old and little snot nosed kids come to interview (and brighten the lonely lonely lives) of the elderly, I'm going to talk about that shake.  I’ll remember fondly until the drool floods out my dentures and there are a few more emotionally traumatized children in the world.

Clearly this set a high precedent for everything else pumpkin related, because while perfect in taste, it did nothing to satisfy my craving.  And this is where I’ll oh-so-kindly use years of experience and hard trials to bestow great wisdom upon you. 

A Guide to Surviving Pumpkin Related Foods

Sammy’s Pumpkin Cheesecake Shake?  Always good.

Pumpkin Chocolate Chip Bread, homemade?  Always.  Good.

Pumpkin Soup?  Pumpkin Bagel?  AWFUL.  DON'T DO IT.

This goes to show the depth of my craving.  Every food must now incorporate pumpkin.  Apparently my body wants to turn orange from all the beta-carotene I’m taking in.  Just in time for Halloween.  (What up Snooki costume?)  I don’t know what possessed me to make PUMPKIN SOUP, except that I had an extra can of pumpkin crap and a computer to research recipes and no time to grocery shop for real food.  Or maybe I had way too much time on my hands.  Either way, DON’T do it.  Even pinterest recipes might not be able to redeem that mess.

I may have deserved it, after all, the idea of it sounds kind of dumb from the start.  But don’t be seduced by the false wiles of the pumpkin bagel.  Sounds great in theory, right?  RIGHT.  At least, it did to me.  I’m telling you now it’s a letdown.  It’s a big fat piece-of-cardboard-disguised-by-smeared-chocolate-chips-and-orange-paint disappointment.

Life is so hard guys.

But now I’ve killed three posts with one:

-The gripe post

     -the food post (sorry there aren’t any picture of me posing adorably with delicious look eats)

      -The seasonal post?  Kinda?  Guys I love FALL! And the COLORS!  And my snuggly warm boots!

A good day’s work I’d say.  My clothes are right side out too.  Look out world!

When Things Get Busy

Sometimes, the only time I can make it to anatomy open lab is at seven.  And sometimes that means I get dressed in the dark because my roommate is still in bed - apparently grad students have the luxury of sleeping till noon?  Yeah I hate her.  And because turning on the light would probably zap my tired eyes into little raisins that get sucked back into my brain (Optic Nerve I), leaving me tragically blind and disgustingly eye-less.  Think the fates in Hercules.  So sometimes I don't realize my shirt is actually inside out until now.  Approximately 10 hours and 3 classes later.

Also.  This is not the first time.

The Good

Look at that.  Three posts in the SAME. WEEK.

Are you suprised?  You shouldn't be.  I promised I would write.  And now that I'm at BYU my promises are soooo much more meaningful.  Like Karl G. and the Honor Code, I'm bound by my word of honor. Draw a line in the sand!  I shall die in this blogging circle with mine honor intact!  Read that with chariots of fire playing in the background.  Way inspirational.

Filthy honor code.

In order to write this much, it means that I'm putting off other things.  Like schoolwork.  Which you know is probably not that important anyway.  Except when I fail my classes and can't get into my program and have to drop out because school is too expensive it's going to be YOUR basement I'm living in.  Yeah I'm talking to you Marleen.  I hope that with all your urging for me to write more you factored in the possibility of having a hobo trying to sneak into your basement, filching bits of your food, and scaring your children.  It'll be so much fun.  You can make sure I have fresh cardboard every week and in return I'll write clever clever things.

But on to the good.  With all the tests and scheduling problems and unhelpful advisors I've gotta remember the good.

The size. I thought living at this huge school with all these people would kill me.  Except for the few time I did hide in the library shelves to avoid crowds though, I was wrong.  I love the anonymity.  Yesterday I watched a guy walk across campus with a legit boombox on his shoulder.  Didn't even phase anyone.

The resources.  Last year to study for biology I, ok Slamdon had to buy a recording device to record lectures so we could review them over and over.  This year, my anatomy teacher records his lecture on his own and puts it online where I can listen to it any time.  On top of that there's about 800 TA's that hold lecture reviews several times every week.  Last year in my science lab I went once a week for two hours and then didn't return until the next week.  This year in lab, there's a two hour lecture and a possibility of four hours of open lab offered from as early as 7:00 am until 11:00 pm.  There's an accounting lab, a chemistry tutoring center, which I've basically set up camp in.

The people I'm living with.  I explain the difference it makes to live with girls that I actually know and like.  They're so dang cool.  Here's something that'll really blow your mind.  They actually cook.  Like prepare meals for themselves.  Like human beings.  This instead of buying $40 of groceries and then leaving them in the back of the fridge to rot and eating fast food instead.  Weird right?  They make homemade applesauce, they train for half marathons, play the violin in a band, edit applications for grad school.  They also dog pile on the top of the bunk bed while I'm trying to sleep.

Wait I'm making it sound like I live in some superhuman sorority house.  It's really not like that.  They've only thrown bologna at me while I sing Celine Dion ONCE.

There's just a million little things.  It's the walk to school.  It's the prayer before anatomy class - not nearly as pod people as I thought it would be.  It's the extended library hours, the international cinema, the window conversations with the neighbors next door.  It's being able to give my dad a heart attack by jumping out at him when I see him on campus.

I just love it here.  I love life.

I Hope. I Hope. (Though I Never Grew a Foot or Two)

Just a small announcement.

Sike it's a HUGE announcement. 

 I'm going on a mission.  

I thought my whole life I'd go.  But then as I got old enough to actually think about submitting papers (that was pre-conference aahbviously) I started to really freak out and change my mind.  There was so much stuff that seemed to get in the way.  I wanted to be a camp counselor in the summer.  I'd just barely transferred schools - could I really leave again so soon?  I wanted to study abroad.  Did I really want to leave and come back at 23?  That's so old, and probably I'd be super awkward and UNMARRIED.  (I hate that that factored into my thinking but it did.)  So I've been trying to make this decision for a few months now.  Finally after a lot of committed serious prayers, I was sitting in accounting class (of all things) and I just knew.  Then I sent my mom this four word email:

Subject line: mission

Content: "i'm going.  I'm GOING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" 

I'm over the moon about it.  If I could leave tomorrow I would.  Seriously.  I told my Bishop that when I met with him on Tuesday.  I seriously considered setting my availability for the day after finals and Lizzie's wedding.  But after some more prayer and a talk with Mama C-Roll (she's always right) I think I'm going to set my availability for after winter semester.  May 2.  Which means I won't be able to actually submit my papers and get my call until January (You can't submit until 120 days before your availability date).  Painful.  I just want to go.  Seven months seems too far away to bear.  It's funny how before I couldn't imagine taking that time out of my life, a mission just seemed logistically impossible.  But now I can't imagine not going.  I never looked back.  Every worry I had before just... fell away.  I'm still sad about things I'll miss, but I know that this is the right thing for me right now.  My only regret is that I didn't make the decision earlier.  

So that's that.  If you come to my farewell, brace yourself because you'll probably hear about this all over.  And I'll be making the joke about never growing a foot or two.  Do your best to forget about it ok?  Or just practice your pity laugh - and it better by realistic.  

I guess this means the DI is going to be receiving a lot of my not-exactly-sleazy-but-perhaps-a-touch-short shorts and skirts.  If you want anything you best come over and claim it now.

Bring on the ultra conservative clothes.  I'm ready.  

I'll go where you want me to go, Dear Lord.  

Doggy Paddle

Oh hello there.

Blogging tendencies have been a little bit lax of late, mostly because my brain (AHEM.  my cerebral hemispheres, frontal lobe, insula lobe occipital lobe etc..) is crammed so full with other thoughts.  There is SO MUCH to learn.  I used to write posts in my head for days, first of all because I'm straight up weird.  Seriously there's a little voice in the back of my mind that often narrates my life.  Have I mentioned this before?  Probably.  That little voice is unfortunately not very reliable for remembering important things.  But ask me to share a storybook style tale about the two seconds on campus where you recognized someone?  I'm your woman.  I'll have you reeling with plot twists and married with babies before you even finish asking.*

Second of all because did you know sarcasm is a LUXURY?  Seriously.  All this cleverness that is my wit does not come as naturally as you think.  I had the time to compose my thoughts into hysterical sentences as I walked between classes, those moments before I fell asleep.  I had days to compose posts in my brain.  Now those moments are filled with thoughts about concepts I'm learning, trying to remember things for tests, worries, and often just the bliss of nothingness. I steal times for little bits of nothingness every chance I get, trying to concentrate only on the gorgeousness of the world.

Maybe it's not just BYU.  Maybe it's because I'm a junior now and finished with most of my gen eds.  And I don't mean to complain, but dang this is hard.  I don't just have midterms, my class schedule balanced out so the test are spread out pretty consistently to every week or two.  And consistency is really not my strong point.  I'm more of a "lay it all in one big pile and I'll make one massive hurdle over it and then be done for a few months."  I have a LOT to learn.  A lot of habits to change.

But you know what?  Thank goodness.  Because even though I'm not acing my classes, I'm being pushed.  Like really shoved in the pool sink or swim sort of pushed.  I prefer that over treading water for the rest of my life.  I'd rather be the crap of the cream than the cream of the crap I guess.

That's not to say the days aren't without stress and tension and the occasional bubbling of ulcer beginnings.  So before I get overwhelmed with it all, I try to remember what I love this place.

Which I think I'll write about later because I'm really sick of this post.  It's been in my drafts box forever and now I kind of hate it.  But I'm going to publish it because I want to remember this feeling.  This time of just barely keeping my head above water, but loving it.  Really really loving it.

ttfn

*Do I make sense to anyone?  Anyone?  I tend to ramble I know.  And SOMEtimes I re-read and edit my crazy thought process for you to follow.  But only sometimes.